The Friendzone

We've all had experiences of it. Being told by a crush that "you're a really great friend", "Oh, I only see you as a friend, you know that right?", "I'd totally date someone like you." Worse yet, we may have said those words to someone, knowing that it could break them when they've clearly put themselves on the line to tell you how they feel.

So why the sudden trend in 'friendzone' Vines and memes on the internet, and most commonly, the degrading of females that turn guys down?

This obsession with the imaginary concept of the 'friendzone' is bizarre, and damaging.

I've been turned down by guys I've liked, and it isn't pleasant, knowing that you have either subtly or overtly made your intentions towards this person clear and they are oblivious or maintain/establish the boundaries of friendship. I've also done it to people myself. Conversely to popular belief, I didn't do it because I thought I was too good, or because I didn't like the people I put in the 'friendzone', or because I intentionally led them on. 

Actually, on one of the occasions that I 'friendzoned' someone, I cried afterwards. 

Although it's tempting to condemn those to turn us down when our romantic ventures are rebuffed, it's not a healthy practice. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might decline when you try to change the definition of your relationship from platonic to romantic. They may not be in the headspace for a relationship, they may have other personal issues affecting them that they feel might affect a relationship, they may be afraid of opening up. Or, they may just not fancy you, and that's perfectly okay too. The object of your affection is not obliged to give you their time, just because you like them. To expect that of them is unfair. 

That's what bothers me with people complaining about the 'friendzone' on social media. It's their sense of entitlement, the arrogance of feeling like they should get their way. From what I've seen myself, this is mainly perpetuated by guys, who seem to propagate this image that women who turn them down are heartless and bitchy. 

While it may be true that in some cases, the manner in which someone states they are only looking for a friend can be cold; and that some people are aware that someone likes them and give them mixed messages, this isn't the case for everyone. 

Being turned down by someone you're interested in will never be easy. It is easy to condemn them and become vindictive, but it is a choice. One that doesn't help anyone and only serves to perpetuate negative stereotypes of both genders. Not everyone is obliged to return our romantic advances, and sometimes you have to go through a couple of rejections to find a gem. And sometimes, just sometimes, there comes a time where both people are open to shifting the definition of a relationship from platonic to romantic. But if you condemn them for their choice, one risks not only never having a romantic relationship with their crush, but also risks losing the platonic one that caused the original emotions to develop.