Why It Is Imperative to Love Yourself Before You Love Someone Else

I've never understood why people say "to accept love from someone else, you must first love yourself". Before, that seems utterly silly and a little conceited. Loving yourself - in my eyes - seems to connote being vain, having really high standards, and that you didn't need to rely on anyone else because you were better than others on your own. But as I've gotten older and more mature, and have had relationships and bad friends who have tried to crush my spirit; I finally understand what it truly means to love yourself.

To love yourself means to be pleased of all your achievements and to keep aspiring and working towards great things. But it also means owning - and moving on from - all your negative experiences too. By holding on to past hurts, we are more likely to keep track of recent hurts and lump them all together. As my mum would say, "Take your test and turn it into a TESTIMONY".

Loving yourself means taking care of yourself and accepting your great features and qualities. Investing the time to feel presentable, developing your hobbies, indulging and pampering ourselves from time to time.

Equally, it means looking at your quirks and not-so-great habits, working out the ones you can change, and accepting the things that quintessentially make you the individual that you are. It means forgiving ourselves for the things we've done wrong. We cannot hope to tolerate someone else's annoying habits or quirks if we don't accept our own, and we cannot hope to forgive someone else's transgressions fully if we do not forgive ourselves for our own transgressions.

It means being comfortable on your own. Learning to love your own company and the time we devote to doing the things we love. Because we cannot hope to appreciate the serenity and preciousness of being in someone else's presence if we can't stand being on our own. Because someone sharing their down-time with you is an incredibly precious thing, because that is when they're most themselves and often most vulnerable. And the trust that that demonstrates is incredible. So become comfortable with your own company so you can better appreciate someone else's.

It means dropping the people that make you feel like less than. Those people that tell you either through their actions or words that you are not good enough. Those people that think that controlling you, hitting you, or making derogatory comments is okay. It is not okay. And you are more than good enough. Even if it means you are alone, it is better to be alone than to feel criticised and lonely in someone else's presence, right?

It means getting the help you need, instead of being proud or thinking that you can always do it on your own. Even if that means medication, therapy, rehab, academic help, financial help - it is worth it. And when you accept that you can't always and don't always have to do things alone, you'll be more open to allowing someone you love to help you.

And then, and I think only then, can you appreciate the love from anyone else.